Ich war da nochmal kreativ.
Hab auch n AI Voicover davon, müsste aber noch ein Video dazu generieren lassen :)
Wer es nicht kennt möge "Jonathan Pie" mal auf YouTube suchen.
Well, well, well! It seems the Norwegian Directorate of Fisheries has done it again. A real masterpiece of bureaucracy. Bravo! Just what we all needed—more rules, regulations, and, of course, some completely unattainable expectations.
Let’s start with the very idea that tourist fishing needs to be more regulated. Because clearly, the seas are absolutely crawling with reckless tourists—rod in hand, single-handedly depleting the entire cod population. What a threat they are! I can barely leave my house without stumbling over a dozen foreigners wielding fishing poles like medieval knights preparing for battle, absolutely hell-bent on destroying every halibut and wolffish in sight. Thank goodness the Directorate is here to save us from this imaginary apocalypse.
Meanwhile, of course, the professional fishing industry is just doing its thing—harvesting fish in spawning areas during spawning season, no less. But let’s not talk about that, eh? No, no, the real threat to Norway’s fish stocks comes from a German tourist and his two kids who dared to catch a few cod for dinner during their summer holiday. We really should focus all our efforts on stopping that menace!
Now, let’s talk about the shining gem of this proposal: the mandatory fishing license for anyone not residing in Norway. Because, of course, the best way to ensure sustainable fishing is by making sure tourists pay for the privilege. Nothing says "environmental protection" like a nice, shiny fee. And what a novel idea! Charge people more for the same activity and then pat yourself on the back for “saving the marine ecosystem.” Oh, and just in case these foreign fishing marauders were getting any funny ideas, don’t forget to ban freezing their catch unless they’re tied to an “approved tourist fishing business.” Because clearly, anyone not living in Norway has no idea how to responsibly handle fish, right? Fish criminal masterminds, the lot of them.
But let’s be fair—perhaps the fish quotas are the real pièce de résistance. Ten kilos per person? Once per year? Oh, how generous! Because nothing spells a relaxing fishing holiday like spending a week to catch barely enough to make one decent meal for a family barbecue. And of course, you can’t take any shellfish or crabs. Because if we let you do that, the next thing you know, the entire ocean will be barren! Why not just slap a “NO FISHING ALLOWED” sign at the border and be done with it?
Of course, no conversation about fish stocks would be complete without completely ignoring the elephant in the room: fish farming. You know, the industry pumping pollutants into the fjords, turning pristine waters into a chemical soup? Ah, but let’s not get distracted. After all, the real problem isn’t the vast clouds of lice or the excess feed spilling into the ocean—no, no, it’s Sven from Sweden who caught an extra mackerel for lunch. He’s the true villain here!
Now, let’s turn to the regulations on tourist fishing businesses. It seems, apparently, we’ve been operating in some wild, lawless, fish-plundering fantasy land. But don’t worry, the daily catch reporting and GPS tracking on rental boats will set us straight. Nothing like a little digital surveillance to keep the tourists from catching a rogue cod or—heaven forbid—a halibut that’s an inch too long. What next, cameras on the boats to make sure we’re not whispering sweet nothings to the fish as we catch them? Maybe we should make every fisherman sign a personal affidavit swearing they won't dream of catching more than their daily quota?
And of course, there’s the pièce de résistance: punishments! Seize the fish, seize the gear, banish the tourists from the country for daring to overstep their fish limits. Because when you’re trying to promote a tourist-friendly environment, nothing says "welcome to Norway" quite like the threat of having your fishing rod confiscated by the authorities. “Come for the majestic fjords, stay for the chance to be interrogated about your catch!” What a selling point!
But don’t worry, the report assures us, this is all for the greater good. It’s for “sustainability” and “oversight.” Because apparently, the entire tourist fishing industry has been teetering on the edge of collapse, just one tourist away from dooming our oceans. The working group clearly believes we’ll all be better off once we’ve professionalized our little hobby to the point where it’s about as much fun as filing your taxes. What a vision!
In conclusion, I applaud the Norwegian Directorate of Fisheries for coming up with the most convoluted, overbearing, and out-of-touch set of fishing regulations we’ve ever seen. I’m sure this will do wonders for tourism. After all, nothing lures in vacationers like the prospect of endless paperwork, strict surveillance, and the constant fear of stepping one toe over the line. And all the while, the professionals are fishing spawning grounds and the fish farms are spilling toxins into the waters. But never mind that—tourists, beware! What a bright future for the recreational fishing industry!
Bravo, Fisheries Directorate. Bravo.
Die Sajda-Bucht ist ein westlicher Seitenarm der Kola-Bucht etwa 60 km nördlich von Murmansk. Am Ausgang der Bucht befindet sich die Stadt Gadschijewo mit der Marinebasis Gadschijewo. Die Bucht dient als Schiffsfriedhof und enthält das größte Lager für ausgediente Reaktoren von Atom-U-Booten. Als Teil einer geschlossenen Stadt des Gebiets Alexandrowsk ist die Bucht nur mit Sondergenehmigung zugänglich. Hier befindet sich ein Langzeitzwischenlager für radioaktiven Müll der Nordflotte. 2016 lagerten dort 93 ausgediente Reaktoren
